


What's On My Mind

by Lissy (Alicia_H)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Episode: s05e01 Sympathy for the Devil, Friendship, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Dean Winchester, Personal Space, Porn Watching, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:04:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3210191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alicia_H/pseuds/Lissy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 'Sympathy for the Devil' Dean is having trouble sleeping. His usual coping mechanisms of beer and Casa Erotica aren't helping. Castiel turns up wanting to discuss an unexpected consequence of his recent death and resurrection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's On My Mind

Dean was dozing on top of the covers when he heard the knock. He turned off the TV and grumbled all the way to the door. One night off would be a nice thing.

Sure it wasn't ideal having to watch on mute so Sam could sleep but it wasn't like that was anything new. Somehow it had always been way less awkward to have a girl in the same room than to have his brother watching him watch porn. Even worse was the thought of them watching it at the same time. That was one of those thoughts that stopped existing the second it was thought.

Not that the porn was doing it's actual job tonight. It was on for comfort's sake. Something to focus on to block out the worries about Bobby, Sam, angels and the stupid apocalypse.

The trouble with this plan was that beer and Casa Erotica could help him shut down one, maybe two, of the worries at a time which would just make all the others louder.

So maybe a distraction wasn't unwelcome. Monsters didn't ususally knock but anyone showing up at his door at two am after several sleepless nights deserved to be shouted at or beaten up. He grabbed the demon knife from the side table. You know, just in case he really was dealing with the world's politest Hell spawn.

The corridor was empty when he finally opened the door. He didn't need to turn around or hear the gruff greeting of 'Hello Dean' to know who his visitor was. It was a shame. He still had that unscratchable itch to beat something senseless but he wasn't going to break both his hands for the sake of pissing off his best chance of winning the bigger fight coming his way.

“Cas,” Dean said sharply, still staring out the open door. He was way too pissed off to be patient tonight. “There's no point in knocking if you're just gonna skip the waiting to be invited in part. Also, people don't need to breathe down each other's necks just to say hello. We have this thing we call personal space. Now get out of mine.”

Dean waited until the angel had taken a few steps back before he turned to look at him. “Okay, why are you here?”

“To see you.”

“Well, that's nice. You've seen me. Can I go back to sleep now or do you actually need me for something?”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “You weren't asleep. You're still dressed and the TV is warm. I can feel the heat from here.”

“Stop using your magic powers to be angel Sherlock. It's freaky and I really can't do freaky right now.” Dean rubbed at his eyes. “Okay, so I wasn't asleep. Doesn't mean I don't need to sleep.”

“There's something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“I'm listening. I guess.”

“It's Jimmy.”

“Vessel guy? What about him.”

“When I died, his soul passed on.”

“Wow. Normally I'd say that sucks but, the amount of shit you've put him through, I'm kinda glad for the guy.” Dean sat down at the foot of his bed, hearing the crappy motel matress springs creak as they took his weight.

Cas nodded seriously as he sat down next to him. “I know you were concerned for Jimmy's wellfare when I first took him as a vessel. Before you knew who he was and about his family. I thought you would like to know he's at peace.”

“You thought right.” Dean smiled a little. “It's nice to hear some good news, even the kind of good news that shouldn't be good news.”

“Will it help you sleep?”

“Who needs sleep when the world could end tomorrow?”

“Humans need sleep, Dean.”

“You go ahead and say that. Keep saying it if you want. It means nothing from the guy who doesn't need to sleep.”

“What's keeping you from sleeping?”

“Take a wild guess, Cas. No matter what Sammy thinks, this is on all of us: you, me and all your dick brothers."

"You think I don't know that?" Cas asked. The angel actually stopped staring at Dean and looked down at his own knees instead.

"I'm glad you do because that makes it only one of us in this room who doesn't see it that way."

He looked over his shoulder at Sam, sprawled across the other bed. When he turned his head back round, Cas was back to staring at him again.

"This is the apocalypse," Dean pointed out. He resisted rolling his eyes. Instead he met Cas head on with a serious look of his own. "Now and for the foreseeable future. To be fair, that's pretty far with a prophet on our team. I need you in the game too, Cas. I'm glad you're not dead because that kinda helps with that but I guess I'm also just glad you're not dead.”

“I'm glad I'm not dead too,” Cas said slowly, missing the point by about ten thousand miles.

“I... Yeah... Yeah, that's what I thought,” Dean mumbled. “Listen, I need to sleep.”

He rubbed his neck. It felt warm. He knew he should have stuck to his no chick flick moments rule. A sarcastic voice in his head congratulated him for his great way of covering.

“Oh. Okay.”

That was all Cas said because, being Cas, he decided to take Dean at his word. For a second, Dean thought his mouth might start working on it's own again. He worried that he'd say out loud that he didn't want to be alone, admit that it was easier to talk things through than listen to his own thoughts all night.

Dean held back. When Cas stood up from the bed and vanished without saying anything, he wondered if holding back had been the right thing to do.

It should be. You don't burden someone with your problems unless there's nothing else you can do but Cas was already burdened with most of the same problems. Dean should be able to talk to him without feeling guilty. He actually wanted to talk to Cas about their apocalypse plan.

The kicker was he even wanted to talk about the troubles that weren't exactly Cas's problem. Sam betraying him only to get double crossed himself. Bobby landing himself in the hospital to kill the demon possessing him. Both kinda tied back to the big issue but they felt more personal. Dean didn't do personal stuff too well and sharing it with anyone else used to be completely off the table.

Dean felt cold air on his skin and he looked across at the still open door. He checked the corridor before he shut it, as if he expected Cas to be walking down it. Then he remembered guy wasn't human and didn't need to walk anywhere.

It used to be so easy to see that Cas wasn't normal but now the weirdness was either toned down or Dean was becoming blind to it. Cas was a friend that Dean thought he had lost for good and talking to him had helped.

That was a whole new level of weird but it felt like a human sort of weird. Dean guessed he could be cool with that.

 


End file.
